Writing this recap on the first day of snowfall here in MN. It felt… surprisingly normal, scraping off the car. Even though we’ve had such a mild fall, still going to the park regularly. Just two days ago my friend and I were sitting outside in sweaters, soaking up the warm near 60 degree sunshine.
We sometimes call them our park therapy sessions. Without this group of stay at home moms, I would’ve either gone insane or gone back to work a long time ago. The other day I told her I feel like I’m in limbo, I swing within the span of hours between feeling like I have nothing to complain about (healthy kids, good support system, ability to go to yoga regularly, we do not live in Venezuela or Somalia, etc. etc…) and like I’m having an existential crisis (what the hell am I doing in this life, omg I can’t read the news, the world is a terrifying place and people are evil, why did I have children, life is so hard and sad and what’s the point).
I guess it’s valid though that I am in limbo. Things continue to be amicable between Nathan and I, we have a schedule with the kids that seems to be working for both of us, but no progress on the divorce. I filled out some of the paperwork a couple months ago, but he didn’t do anything after that and I have no reason to push it.
Also in limbo with trying to “figure out what I want to do with my life”. It happened to work out that I found some really great kids to nanny for this fall, so we are busy and not struggling too much for money, but I have an acute feeling that I need to be doing something more. More than listening to whining (mostly my own kid), packing diaper bags, cutting up snacks, cleaning up messes. I need to use my brain. It’s just hard to figure it all out when I barely have time to do the laundry.
So, what else this fall? Jane started Kindergarten. To no one’s surprise she’s doing wonderful, loves it, and the whole thing has fit nicely with our schedule.
Aiden turned two. Aiden is exhausting to be around. He is a good kid, a great, sweet, funny kid. But so SO demanding, does not play on his own, talks nonstop, repeating things over and over and OVER, sometimes things you cannot understand, in your face, until his voice reaches this frustrated pitch and it does not stop no matter how many times you try to respond or validate what he is saying. He’s also super clumsy, falling over every two minutes and saying “Mama owieeeeeeee” when he’s definitely not hurt.
Another favorite phrase is “Myyyyyyyy do it. NO Myyyyyy do it”. (I mean, don’t you dare accidentally shut the door to the fridge if he was planning to do it!)
One of the funnier things is when he’ll lay on the floor, completely able to get up, but reach out his hand and say “Mama, help me peeeaaaaaase!”.
That’s about all for this fall. And just like that, it’s winter. And one of the things I’ve learned about life that’s both terrifying and fascinating is that you never know what can happen in a few short weeks or months, so I’m curious to see what my next update will bring.