So, Jane is 3 weeks and 2 days old. The first couple weeks home from the hospital were survival mode, not knowing what to expect, just being grateful for whatever sleep we got.
But now I feel like it’s getting to the point where we should at least have sort of a schedule, know a little bit what to expect, or at least that she should not be screaming almost anytime she’s not sleeping or nursing.
But she is screaming. Right now, laying on the boppy on my lap. On and off for hours this morning and this evening with a 2 1/2 hour nap in between.
She’s not hungry. She could be tired, but how do you get a screaming baby to sleep? (I tried to put her down before she was so upset, when I saw the yawning “cue”…about 2 hours ago.) She’s got a clean diaper, and I’m pretty certain not in pain.
Everything I try seems to calm her anywhere from momentarily to a few minutes: Swaddling, shushing, walking, putting her in the Moby wrap, the swing, going into the bathroom with the heat fan. Sometimes she even falls asleep for a few minutes, only to wake up in the exact same position and start screaming again.
Bathroom fan causes a few minutes of stunned silence before the tantrum resumes.
A book I was given yesterday – The Baby Whisperer – says to establish a flexible “eat, activity, sleep” routine. It makes sense when I’m reading it, but seems to leave out key parts like what exactly to do when they’re “overtired” and screaming. Some books say wear your baby all the time. Some say let them cry it out. I’m really sick of books.
So I’m asking, what did you do? Or if there are actually helpful books out there, what are they?
K
Six different moms I know recommended Happiest Baby on the Block to us, and a couple got us the DVD. Obviously I don’t know if it works, but it is worth a shot.
Have you tried the Happiest Baby on the Block? Now I will say that I was of the mindset, “Do what works.” Then I had Five and NOTHING worked. Granted he need two major surgeries and was in pain quite a bit but that book was a good send… even on the fifth child when I should have known.
One thing is, have you looked at your diet? Lots of tomatoes cause gas, soy allergy?, reflux doesn’t always mean spitting up, it could be silent or you could simply have a high needs baby. You’ll get through it. Many days when Five was a baby, we went from thing to thing until we found something that worked.
And lastly some babies need to cry, thats not to say I would ever leave my baby to cry alone but sometimes they just cry and you’ve got to hold them until they are done.
Yes I’ve heard of the book, I’m so getting that like, tomorrow. (Yay, my Friday night excitement is now going to the bookstore… bleh.)
And yeah I’ve heard different things can cause gas. But my diet is pretty bland. No tomatoes at all lately and minimal soy, but I’ll research that allergy a little more – babies are just born with it?
Yes some children are born with specific allergies. My son was the reason for me going vegan, he was severely allergic to dairy and eggs! Chickpeas, garlic, onions are all culprits too. Its a major guessing game.
When’s your next medical appointment? I was a screamer as an infant, and my mom suffered months until (the second) pediatrician said that I had very severe colic. Maybe there’s a reason? Maybe not. Babies are tough. My thoughts are with you!
We go for our one month next week. I was a colicky baby too. But either way, there’s no cure for it is there?
Yeah, I don’t know if there is a “cure” for colic, but I think just giving a name to something (and my mom not feeling like she was inadequate/crazy) helped a lot. I hope today has been better??
My cousin is a chiropractor and he says that he loves to see colic babies because the parents deem him the “miracle worker” after he sees them. He claims that 97% of the time he is able to “cure” the baby of colic. He adjusted Gabby’s neck when she was favoring one side and she doesn’t favor it anymore. So maybe there is some truth to that? He says that it can be tough on a baby to go through the birthing process. Wouldn’t hurt to try it right?
Hi Amanda – thanks for the suggestion, lots of people told me chiropractors work miracles when I was looking for relief from my SI Joint pain mid-pregnancy. But my experience when I went totally freaked me out so I definitely don’t want to go back! Recap here and in some following posts:
https://frugalveganmom.wordpress.com/2010/11/23/first-chiropractor-visit-advice-please/
My little guy needed to be held almost all the time, whether in a sling or in our arms. Swaddling did NOT work, despite everyone telling me how it would. Not saying it won’t work for you, but my baby would literally work and work and work and levitate his legs until he wiggled an arm free and then keep working for the other arm. We “did what works” like another commenter said. Realistically, there is no way a baby that little can be scheduled at all, and eating every 2-3 hours is normal. When my husband went back to work at three weeks, there were a couple of showers where baby just screamed through it in his bassinet, there was nothing I could do. One thing that did help his tummy was me giving up regular milk. That may be moot since you’re vegan but I thought you once said you ate eggs? Be sure to burp her after every feeding or as you switch boobs. I guess what I’m really saying though, is hang in there: it does get easier!
Thanks Emily – just hearing that it gets easier always helps.
I think yesterday I was getting too focused on that book I was reading where the woman claimed she could calm any baby by reading their cues, etc. etc…
Today we are doing better!
I also recommend The Happiest Baby on The Block. It was a lifesaver for Liam.
What we learned outside of that, through experience and from family, is that many tiny babies don’t really like the back and forth movement of the swing until they’re about 6 weeks or so old. We put Liam in a bouncer seat and manually bounce it, by hand (or with foot, as I’m currently doing). A good, vigorous bounce, with his little head moving like Jell-o on a plate (the HB book mentions it as well). For whatever reason, they really need to be jostled around at times.
In response to swaddling not working- you’re maybe not doing it tight enough. If they can wiggle out of it, it’s too loose. the book even tells about people who would use a piece of duct tape to hold it on. 😉 For colic, swaddle the hell out of her, tugging it tight around her like she’s shrink-wrapped into it. Then wrap a second one like a belt, from armpit to hip, tightly over top of the first one. It helps compress the belly, and eases discomfort. If she’ll tolerate it, lay her on her belly wrapped up like that and see if it helps. Liam screamed like a maniac the first few times, but his gassiness sure went away.
Even now, at ten weeks, Liam has colic and reflux. He sleeps in 10-15 minute spurts during the day, broken up by eating, farting, and screaming. It’s hell, but slowly getting better.
Hang in there. You may have to try a hundred things, but you’ll find something that works.
Besides getting that book, my next step is to get a carrier that she can nurse in – maybe the Becco Gemini or Ergo – still not comfortable with the Moby, I might take it back!
Will keep my eye out for a bouncer too! Glad to hear things are going better for you =).
I want an Ergo sooooo bad. When I can justify the $100, I’m getting one. I love the Moby, but it scared me when we first got it. I love it now that he can hold his head up. Getting him to love it is the interesting part. I actually was making you a ring sling, but my sewing machine crapped out on me. But, once that is fixed, I will have a sling for ya.
Nursing in a SSC (soft structured carrier) is not easy no matter the size of the baby. You honestly need the perfect sized boobs as too big or too small you are out of luck. I am not a fan of the moby, stretchy wraps are only good for a short period of time to like 10 – 15 lbs. I highly recommend a woven wrap like a Didy or a Hopp/ or even a ring sling (thingamasling.com or Mayawrap.com) is ideal as well. SSC are great for extended wearing and I love my ergos and my babies beyond border (BBB), just not to nurse in.
I would recommend thebabywearer.com for some good ideas on nursing while babywearing!
I recommend finding a good D.O. who treats newborns with gentle osteopathic manipulation. It can make a huge difference.
Forgot to add that osteopathic manipulation is excellent for colic if that is contributing.
In addition to the techniques in Happiest Baby on the Block, here are other things we tried with Wells.
– holding him as we bounced on a Physioball
– holding the ‘sucker’ (pacifier) in his mouth
– driving him around in the car
– running a vacuum next to him or while holding him
The Physioball bouncing was the only thing that worked a lot of the time, but because if we stopped bouncing between 6 pm and 10 pm he would resume the scream, our backs killed us.
Our experience was that weeks 2-10 were just plain tough. There was little to no schedule and no matter what we did he screamed every evening. I saw a lactation consultant a few times, changed my diet, changed feeding positions, but halted taking advice when they gave me a prescription for acid reflux medication. We did put him to sleep in a bouncy seat for the first few months because he seemed most comfortable and to get the best rest there.
After 10 weeks, our little guy was a new baby. He had an eat, play, sleep schedule about every 3 hours. He slept comfortably from 10 pm-6 am and we got to start hanging out in the evenings as a family. Since then, life has become more fun with him everyday.
And now we start again…
Babies are mental, and yours sounds completely normal, and by that I mean that there is no normal. Every baby is different and few are anything like babies in books. Coming into the world is a jarring experience that it takes months to get over, but it will happen. You just have to ride the chaos until things settle down. It’s really, really hard, but you’re not the only one going through it. Also, don’t knock yourself for not having a schedule– that will be a long time coming, because your baby is changing so much day by day.
It’s been a long time since my kids were little, but my first son never cried. Ever. My second son SCREAMED all the time. At that point, we got some relief from a Chiropractor.. and I gave up wheat and dairy (which helped a little bit).. Swaddling him helped a bit… and one day when I was at my wits end, I put him down on the bed and left him there because I was going to lose it if I didn’t! …. and he calmed himself down .. and for him, he needed to do that sometimes. I think he would get over stimulated…
It was so so so frustrating and hard to deal with. I was grateful he was my second son because I would have been really feeling like a shitty parent if he had been my first!
Hang in there!
Do you have a swing or a vibrating chair? The swing used to save my sanity… and I’ve heard good things about the vibrating chairs
And I guess I should mention certain things like breastfeeding… do you have an abundance of milk? Sometimes when the milk comes so fast, the baby can get too much of the “foremilk” which has more lactose than the hind milk and can make some babies uncomfortable..
If this sounds like it could be an issue, you can pump for several minutes BEFORE feeding and see if she is more comfortable.
..also foot reflexology for babies can help a bit
Hey Mel,
We do have a swing and she sleeps in it a lot, but it’s not magic or anything… the bassinet vibrates but she doesn’t really like being in there at all.
In general, like other people have said, what works one day won’t work the next for her, so we’ll just keep trying…
Have you tried the football hold?
Here is a link to a video.
http://video.about.com/babyparenting/The-Football-Hold-for-Babies.htm
You can reduce your anxiety by singing to yourself just a little. I do yoga chanting but even just one little one line “I love my baaaaby” will help calm your mind and get you through it.
You are doing a great job. Babies just need to cry to know you love and will respond to them. It will pass.
Erin
Ditto the Happiest Baby on the Block recommendations. I was at my wits’ end when Zeke was 4 weeks old and the technique in the book totally worked. I also put him to sleep in the swing set to the highest setting, sometimes that worked.
In general, teeny tiny babies are so mercurial. They cry, they’re happy, they’re freaked, and it’s hard to tell what causes what. Plus, with both my kids, and observing my friends with kids, the general rules seems to be taht the first 6 to 8 weeks are a total mindf(*k. Once you get through that, things smooth out and tend to get (somewhat) easier. Good luck!
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Hey, I am working in a day care centre, and can recommend two things:
– medium tapping on the diaper bottom ALWAYS works. Put your child on its tummy to do it, or hold it in your arm, put a blanket over his head and then do it from there. They usually fall asleep in 4-10 minutes of doing it…
some moms also had very good experience with:
– http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=swaddle&x=0&y=0
sorry for my bad englisch, I am german :).
love you blog
I will try that! I ❤ Germany, where do you live? Both Nathan and I have some German roots, we've travelled to Munich, Berlin, Hamburg, Cologne, and this wonderful small city on the Rhine, St. Goar.
Hey, I am currently living in munich :). I am glad you two enjoyed Germany!
I found with my first child that she just needed time to get used to not being in me so to speak. I would place some of my clothing in her bassinet so she could smell me (sounds bad) while she slept. She normally slept much better. I also raised the head of the bassinet slightly to help with her tummy. She held on to wind terribly, we ended up resorting to using a dummy. When she was really unsettled I would put on music that soothed me, your baby is really connected to you still so anything that soothes you will soothe your baby. Most of all enjoy your first child, spend time just watching and nursing them, you will not get that chance with a second child. You will be much to busy. Hope you are recieving helpful info?? Good Luck.
[…] -He’s a very easy baby. No health issues, no breastfeeding issues, not even one period of time where he’s cried for more than a couple minutes without being easily soothed. He loves the ergo carrier and will go from crying to asleep in seconds when we put him in there. Much different than Jane at 3 weeks! […]
[…] I don’t envy her. Baby J is healthy but fussy, a lot like Jane was. I sent her a link to this post I wrote when Jane was 3 weeks old, I’m so happy I kept the blog, otherwise I’d never […]