Aiden: 21 months today
Jane: Getting towards 5 1/2
Me: Way too close to 34
7:15: Wake up to Aiden whining from his crib, as usual, but am relieved to see it’s so “late” – sometimes he wakes up closer to 6 a.m. and is really not ready to be up. I sit in the rocker and nurse him (he mostly still nurses only when waking up, but likes to do it for a long time then)… realize I still feel so tired even though I went to bed at 11:00 and slept mostly ok – woke up after a couple anxious dreams and once to pee. Life has just been wearing me down in general lately. For no particular reason decide I should document this day…
7:45: Jane is still asleep despite Aiden’s attempts to wake her up. The first thing he usually says after nursing is “Jane?”. She’s been sleeping on the couch lately (which is actually an IKEA pullout sleeper, so… makes me feel less bad). It’s a long story but basically involves me switching bedrooms around and being very slow to clean out the bedroom the kids will now share and get her a loft bed. (And also because she doesn’t mind sleeping on the couch at all and… who wants to mess with the sleeping arrangement when it’s working for everyone?)
Aiden’s next favorite thing besides his sister is balls and throwing them in hoops, so we move onto that…
8:00: Jane is up and the whining begins. “Aiden took my fan, he’s going to ruiiiiin it!” Aiden whining “miiiine, miiiine!”. Finally get myself a glass of water, wash my face, and makes the kids oatmeal. Oh yes, and stop to lotion Jane’s back because she always complains about it being scratchy.
8:15: Just as we’re sitting down to eat, notice we have a bunch of ants in one corner. I am not happy, I’m in a mental state where I just don’t need one more thing to deal with. And in addition to the normal ants (which at least I’m confident will go away with Borax/sugar solution), there are a few weird larger ants with wings I’ve never seen before which are really making my skin crawl.
8:20: Sign onto the computer to find the Borax/sugar ant killer recipe and get a message about making a dish for a memorial luncheon on Friday.
(I have literally spent the last 5 minutes sitting here in bed, hugging myself, wondering how to describe this situation. It still feels too awful for words.)
Two weeks ago, one of my good friends lost both of her kids in a house fire.
I have never had anything so tragic happen to someone close to me before. I can’t go more than a few minutes without thinking about it, it’s always there, and my heart is just breaking for my friend.
On top of that (although my problems seem ridiculously petty in comparison…), Nathan and I have printed out our DIY divorce paperwork and started discussing specifics this week, my great aunt died a few weeks ago, and even though Nathan is assigned to work in our neighborhood, he regularly gets sent to the really dangerous part of the city and I just feel sick if I think about something happening to him.
And, I still have no idea what I’ll do for money when the divorce is final. I think about it all the time, but the choices paralyze me. Nathan having to work a completely random night shift schedule for the long term future doesn’t help either.
So… those are the things weighing heavily on my mind as I go about my otherwise mundane stay at home mom day:
9:15: Drinking coffee, cleaning, fb chatting with a friend about child care… feel like I am constantly scheduling. And I am… since Nathan’s schedule is completely random, we just take it week by week. Usually he takes the kids overnight 2x/week (from about 5:00 p.m. – 9:00 a.m. because he has to sleep during the day), then we don’t see him 2 days, and the other 3 days he comes over from 5:00 – 7:30 before his night shift begins, so I have enough time to run errands or go to a yoga class.
10:00: Finally get going to the gym. I cannot emphasize how important this gym membership has been for my mental and physical health over the past few months. I do about 45 min. of cardio and 30 min. of core and back exercises. Thankfully all the back problems I was having over the winter are almost 100% gone.
11:45: Pick them up from child care – one of my favorite parts of the day, because Aiden is SOOO happy to see me and they run down the hall like the cutest children ever and have fun riding the elevator and then Aiden yells “DIEEEE” and waves to all the people at the front desk on the way out. Even though he has been able to say “B” words forever, for some reason bye is “DIE”.
We get in the car and are talking about the picnic potluck we’re going to for dinner and Jane asks what I’m making and I say pasta salad and she says can I have the cucumbers on the side and I say no they’ll all be mixed in and she starts WHINING SO DRAMATICALLY “Nooooooo!” And I snap that she should be grateful I’m making a nice dinner and we get to eat the park with our friends.
Then two minutes later she starts talking about what all the clouds looks like, but not to herself, following every statement with “Riiiiight, Mommyyyy?” as is the norm lately and I am very annoyed and say shhhh I can’t look at the clouds I’m driving let’s have some quiet time.
12:00: We stop at the park right near our house to pick up free lunches given out by the school district. They give them out to all kids at so many parks in our city, it’s a great program. I actually don’t care about the “free” part so much as the “I don’t have to prepare anything, wash any dishes, or have another mess in my house” part.
Very happily surprised to run into some of our regular park friends even though this isn’t our “regular” park, so we have good company for lunch.
(side note, usually we hang out at the park in the morning and stay for lunch, but today was a rare day with no extra kids, and I had the kids alone all day, and a potluck planned for dinner, so we did the gym in the morning)
1:20: Aiden naps, Jane watches a show, I lay in bed for 20 minutes to rest.
1:45: Jane comes to find me in the kitchen and tells me very emphatically that I must write down that there will be a new Nature Cats show starting on July 11th.
2:10: I finish taking a shower.
2:20: Make a salad (spinach, chickpeas, nooch, sauerkraut, and avocado) and sit down to eat.
2:30: Jane is responsible enough to stop watching tv on her own after 1 hour and joins me in the kitchen.
2:40: Aiden wakes up after a predictable 1 hr. 15 min. nap. I’m not complaining, because lots of days we’ve battled the 45 min. nap and then much of the rest of the day is NOT FUN. But occasionally he sleeps 2 hours and actually wakes up happy and those days are a real treat!
3:45: Spent the past hour snacking, making dish for potluck, generally getting ready to go…
4:00: Super antsy to get out of the house, but have almost an hour until we need to go, so we go outside to do some yard work. Another thing stressing me out is I have no clue how to do yard work and mine is starting to look like shit. Nathan has been extremely nice to keep helping me out with it, but I feel like I need to make a plan to stay on top of it…
5:00: Off to the park. I forgot to take any pictures after lunch today. It’s a potluck for my sit swap group so the next couple hours fly by talking and chasing toddlers. The standout event is that I sit directly on a splinter on the wood bench and am convinced it’s lodged in my butt cheek and one of the awesome moms I have only met a handful of times offers to check it out for me. “Just pull your pants down, I don’t care”. Hahahaaaa.
7:30: Home, bedtime routines start. Aiden doesn’t really have a routine. I try to get him to read books but he never sits still for them. I finally just put him in bed with his bottle and he whines for a few minutes and is sleeping. Jane’s takes a little longer but she’s in bed by 8:30…
8:30: But it’s taking her forever to sleep tonight. Her feet are hot (it was not hot out today… lower 70’s) and she is tired of fanning them, she wants an ice pack. She wants to sleep on the wood floor, her bed is too hot. She keeps talking to me from the other room. Finally falls asleep sometime after 9 p.m.
9:00 – 10:30: I clean up, have a snack, have some tea, write this post. Still have to put in all the pictures, but will do that and read a little and go to sleep about 11:00….